Murphy's Law

Murphy’s Law

Murphy’s law dictates that a cake intended for a baby shower will shatter into ten pieces at 7:00 the night before the shower. 

Murphy’s law states that a child will have an accident in his pants away from home as soon as you remove the diaper bag from the car, thinking, “I don’t need this anymore”.  You are wrong, you will need it until the child is at least thirteen.

Murphy’s law allows for the simple fact that once the dog is home from the groomer’s, it will rain for forty days and forty nights, and the all the mud that was in the yard will end up in your house and on the dog.

Murphy’s law claims that either runaway horses or vagrant mice will keep you from sleeping on the one night that you desperately need sleep, for the next day is awfully busy.

Murphy’s law states that on the night you’ve been anxiously waiting for the season premiere of a TV show, either the cable will go out, or a teenage child will have seventy-five algebra problems that she needs help with.  (So you record the show on the DVR, only to find out the next day that the DVR was full and the show didn’t record.)

Murphy’s law says that once you pay off the loan on your vehicle, and receive the title for said vehicle, the probability of that vehicle breaking rises exponentially, so that you have to go buy a new one and take out another loan.

Murphy’s law tells us that kids always speak when you least want them to, like to tell the stranger at the library that Mommy has boobies under her shirt, and he has a tummy under his.

I would like to know who this guy Murphy is…I want a picture of him so that when I find him, I can hurt him badly.  However, his law clearly states that once I do find him, he’ll already be dead.

Sales Pitch

I consider myself to be Catholic.  I was raised Catholic, and I believe in some of the doctrine associated with this particular branch of Christianity.  But there comes a time when you have to stop and begin to question some of the other doctrine and laws that are constantly being thrown at you.  I think many people have this epiphany at some point, either in their teenage years (when you question everything) or when they are facing their own mortality (like when you turn 30).  Looking at other religions and sects of Christianity, you find yourself taking little snippets of this and tidbits of that, trying to piece together your own set of beliefs that make you feel a little better.  But after a while, you begin to hear a sales pitch, like when you are buying a new car:

Salesman:     What can I do to put you into a new religion today?

Shopper:        Umm, well, does the new religion come with tolerance?  Does it judge people before it   knows them?  Does it condemn those who may follow another Holy One?

Salesman:     Well, we have a nice book with many stories…

Shopper:        Oh, okay.  Are those stories open to interpretation, or are they taken for literal value?

Salesman:     (glances around uncomfortably) Um, well, they should be taken for their literal value.

Shopper:        Oh, so when the book mentions that the world was created in six days and that all of humanity came from one man and one woman, you’re saying that should be taken literally?  Does that mean ignoring millions of years of evolution, the existence of prehistoric animals, and the evolution of human kind over thousands of years?

Salesman:     Well, um, every Sunday we come together while one of us preaches, and we sing songs and hold hands; it’s really quite nice.

Shopper:        That is nice.  But if I can’t come on Sundays, does that mean I can’t belong?  Does your God only listen to those of His children who worship on Sundays in His church?  Does He listen to those who maybe follow in His word every day, who decide they don’t want to go to church? 

Salesman:     Er…we offer some nice services.  We have marriage, christening, communion, funerals…

Shopper:        I like services.  But do you offer marriages for same-sex couples?  I know a couple who are in the market for a religion that believes in all marriages, they might be interested…

Salesman:     (backing away slowly) Um, maybe this religion is not the right fit for you. 

Shopper:        Oh, that’s too bad.  I’ve been in the market for a while, but I can’t seem to find the right fit. Oh, I have one more question; does your religion believe in equality between men and women?

Salesman:     Um, I really have to go, I’m sorry we couldn’t do business today.  If your values ever change, come back in and maybe we can make a deal. (Walks away hurriedly)

Shopper:        Gee, I scare off more salesmen that way. (Hangs head and shuffles off)

And just because I wear a crucifix around my neck doesn't mean that it’s open season for offers.  I met a really nice woman at the Library Storytime.  I saw her there last week with her children, and this week she decided that she would talk to me.  After a nice conversation, she pulls out a printed business card with the name of her church and when the services are.  "We would like it if you could come to our services," she says with a smile.  Politely I take the card, thank her, gather up my son and walk away.  Out of curiosity, I punch in the particular sect of Christianity from the propaganda on the card into Google.  It sounds nice, but I can see through the rose colored wording that this religion really wouldn't suit me either.  Mainly because I see the "Our members agree to strive to be devoted to the body life of the church. This includes making whole-hearted efforts, for example, attending each [applicable] meeting of the body…”  You have to go to church everytime they call the flock together.  Don’t get me wrong, I like going to church, the feeling of spirituality and sense of belonging to a community.  But don’t tell me that I’m not a good person because I don’t go to church every Sunday.  I can think of a few awful people who go to church every Sunday, and I can think of a few really good, generous, gracious and righteous people who don’t go to church.  I don’t think Jesus is taking attendance and giving out demerits.  He’s much too busy dealing with bigger issues, like battling true evil, and carrying those who need Him in their hours of darkness. 

So enough with the sales pitches.  Just because I disagree with some aspects of my religion doesn’t mean that I’m ready to convert to another.  A good relationship requires some discord every now and again.  I’m not a sheep, I’m not one of the flock.  I can’t be shepherded.  But that’s okay, I think God understands.